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| Friday, June 17th, 2005 | | 1:02 pm |
michael and i are going to have a talk tonight after he gets home from the college world series game. he's scared, he almost skipped the game. i think he knows what i'm going to say. how couldn't he? things haven't been working between us since before we began going out. yes, i enjoy spending time with him on a few select occassions. but i don't feel it, there's no spark. he asked me the other night whether there was the possibility that i'd marry him. my heart and mind screamed no, my lips said i don't know. he brought up the fact that i don't want to have children, telling his mother that i'm young i'll change my mind. i won't. he forgot me yesterday. i walked home three miles. it was 90 degrees. a man stalked me for 24 blocks. i was scared. he told me he was sorry. then left. brian missed our two year anniversaire. i was hurt. i'll pretend i wasn't. i baked brownies yesterday. the strangers ate them all. i cried myself to sleep last night. i miss my family. michael told me they couldn't come over. i'm alone. brian likes meribel. i'm happy for him. or at least i should be. he (michael)wants someone who wants a serious relationship. how can i be serious about something i see as a game? something i've viewed as a mistake from the first glance to the last kiss? ashley and i went swimming, she burnt her butt. i laughed. i'm gonig to miss his family. he forgot his brother. tyler cried. no one told him they were sorry. he told me i couldn't care about his family. that i didn't belong. i think i'll go buy groceries now. | | Friday, May 27th, 2005 | | 10:10 am |
hopefully this doesn't turn into a complete mess. for those of you who don't know, i'm staying with michael over the summer.. as a final farewell before we inevitably call this 'relationship' to a close. then he's off to pretend to be a sailor, while i bake in arizona. fun times, right? i'm skipping the graduation ceremony in order to pack and spend my last day with grandmother. mother's pissed as hell that she paid for the gown and now i'm not going. and, if i cared how she felt, i might give it a second thought. i'm freaked out about living with a guy. ashley's (michael's sister)friend heather asked me whether i'd thought about the fact that michael will be able to 'smell my shit'.. no, i hadn't... people disturb me sometimes. honestly, i don't think i've taken anything into consideration in regard to staying with this... boy. i guess i'm still viewing it as 'oh hey, let's have a sleepover this friday night'... i'm afraid it's going to be one hell of a long friday night. my mother keeps calling him, it's rather irritating. anyway, it's time to disconnect the computer so i'll talk to y'all in three months. bye. | | Saturday, May 21st, 2005 | | 10:31 pm |
i just realized it's saturday.. and no one has posted since monday. weird. | | Wednesday, May 18th, 2005 | | 7:36 pm |
i've decided, that cutting all ties with my mother and immediate family is what is needed in order to preserve my sanity. in short, they can all fuck off. i love you brianna and tommy, my imperfect angels. mother, father, danielle, kiss my ass and suffocate in the dust from my footprints as i walk away. | | Friday, May 13th, 2005 | | 8:27 am |
i'm nervous. i had to write a poem to go into the school newspaper and incorporate the phrase 'catch you on the flip side'. hopefully they don't mock it too terribly. | | Wednesday, May 11th, 2005 | | 12:54 pm |
i've decided, it's unnerving to see pictures of dead people... smiling. | | Monday, April 25th, 2005 | | 9:09 am |
prom was magical, brownie points for the boy. | | Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 | | 12:01 pm |
mismatched dreams
michael got fired..for being... bad? i'm trying to convince him that we don't need to go to prom, that it would be a waste of money. but, being the stupid little millard rich child act that everyone out here puts on, he insists. to be honest. i'm not even excited about prom, i think it's more about who your with that night than whether or not i get to dance around in some little room with 99 cent lights and torn crepe paper. money matters too much to people. | | Saturday, April 9th, 2005 | | 1:45 am |
| | Monday, March 28th, 2005 | | 8:23 am |
easter dinner: boxed potatoes, overly salty ham, veggies, and semi warm milk. down side: michael and i fought, then made up (which you think would be a good thing...) up side: my uncle bob is by far the most amazing guy EVER, even when he calls me a porker and stuffs cake in my face. it's ok, i got him back with the whip cream. hope all is well kids <3 | | Saturday, March 19th, 2005 | | 9:20 pm |
i turn eighteen tomorrow! it seems like i was just posting about my seventeenth not long ago, strange. half of my friends will still be out of town, but most of them have already called to share the love, and bestow wishes, a couple of which will be droppping by later. **michael and i were caught by the police, it was highly amusing watching them frisk him....** some people were seriously giving jill massive shit about her xanga article in newspaper, first off, if they weren't interested in what it had to say, they shouldn't have read it, secondly, as a news writer it was unbiased, so they can take that and shove it somewhere else (where the sun doesn't shine just seems so.. over used?) | | Tuesday, March 15th, 2005 | | 7:08 pm |
cutting it up with me
i know you shouldn't change yourself for anyone. but he cut the piss head blonde stuff out of his hair when i asked, therefore when he requested i cut my hair... i let them chop off 11 inches... it feels weird. not terible, just different, oh well, hair grows back, and hanny reassured me it isn't terrible. yay. | | Friday, March 11th, 2005 | | 9:21 am |
i am so fucking pissed off. first off someone messed with MY layout page, and it was perfect, and the assholes screwed up the alignment, when i set something a certain way there is a reasoning behind the madness. As in the story is supposed to be inside the box dumbass, the columns are supposed to line up. and secondly, Stephanie, you can not change the names of who i quoted. it's ILLIEGAL. that's called making up a story, just because you didn't like what you said, doesn't mean you can just put someone else's name in when they didn't say it. fuck this. if i get in trouble over this i'm going to be so upset. | | Wednesday, March 9th, 2005 | | 8:43 am |
with the exception of my bag still being in michael's car, today is going well. i'm going to the german convention to recite poetry in a competition this april. i'm not really nervous? eh, it must be my ego. | | Monday, March 7th, 2005 | | 9:19 am |
the review session with clark this morning went well. Henry and Jess are going to prom together, since he didn't have the gull to ask her, she broached the topic. yay for breaking the norm, traditions should be squandered. my birthday is in 13 days, hoorah for being old. alas, my day of birth has fallen on Palm sunday... and i feel compelled to behave? michael and Jake invited me to go to kansas city with them this weekend, but i declined, because i am not a 'risk taker'. yeah yeah, scold me later. side note, mom and dad said that i could leave town with michael over spring break, because they 'trust me.' i wonder if they'd feel the same if they knew what michael asked me to do sunday morning (relax, i said no, most definitely no.). which brings me to my next comment. my parents went out saturday night, and mom said michael could come over, and she would call before they were on their way home to warn me ahead of time. mom forgot to call. they pulled up to the house at 4:30, and guess who's car was still in the driveway? yeah, that was fun explaining to dad. after having michael leave, i was chided and 'warned' about having a boy over for so long when they weren't present. in my defense, he didn't get there until 2:30.... *cough*. they didn't get back from kansas until 12:30, then he and jake went to see his mother and get food (as if they ever go to see her for anything else? bleh, boys.). then he was going to go back to his house (work at 11), but they lost his house key, so they came over. only jake despises me, so he stayed in the car (sucks for him.... 13 year olds.. have their moments?). and then he came in and... just.. the fiasco. | | Friday, March 4th, 2005 | | 7:43 am |
today is going to be amazing, i can tell. =) | | Thursday, March 3rd, 2005 | | 9:11 pm |
yesterday was mine and michael's one month. it feels weird, i hadn't even thought we'd last a week let alone a month. my birthday is in 17 days, and prom is a month and 20. fun times kids, fun times. | | Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005 | | 9:33 am |
everything socially is going well, granted bri and i miss one another, but at least we aren't fighting any longer :). side note, i found my prom dress, i'm not sure how else to describe it but.. sweet? i thought i would get something a little different from my personality, perhaps something a bit more daring. but i saw this dress and the itch to try it on was far too great for me not scratch. ugh, i feel so disgusting today. now, i remember why i want that shot. my craps kill, and nothing is working lately. i feel the need to double over and just.. cry. =( | | Wednesday, February 16th, 2005 | | 8:57 am |
window pain
this is closed don't glance through the window or knock on the door i can't do this anymore | | Friday, February 11th, 2005 | | 9:53 pm |
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